I thought I was such a bad ass!?
I'm a STRONG woman - this I know, without a doubt; however, what I came to realize this week is that my strength is fueled by anger and cutting people out of my life and resentment and feeling let down (negative energy) rather than by "peaceful acceptance" (positive energy). For heaven’s sake my life motto has been “Damaged people are dangerous because they know they can survive”. I thought I was so bad ass! Ha!
Let me explain...
I highly value my strength. I know, without blinking an eyelash that I can survive anything. When a friend flakes on me for the third time in a row, what do I do, well I show “strength” and I cut them off, burn the bridge, because "I don't need negativity around me and I'd rather be alone than have crummy friends". This is what I tell myself. So I'll delete their number or…GASP…delete them from Facebook (I’m so classy!) and move on with my life, to skip around cheerily to find a new friend :) I'm SO strong!?!? I do the same thing with relationships. If a guy disappoints me or lets me down, I can choose to simply cut bait and move on. I have a strange way of compartmentalizing my feelings...putting them away in a little drawer and saying with 2 snaps and a neck sway, "NEXT"...and I'm over it! I'm SO strong?!?!
After an amazing energy session with Stacy Dorius ( www.simplyresonate.com ) and a coaching session with Wendi Francis (from Tony Robbins coaching crew), I had a HUGE, GIANT A-HA moment! This may seem obvious to you, the objective and wise reader :), but for me, it was a moment of clarity. I value my strength so much, but my strength was being fueled by negativity - negative emotions like hurt, disappointment, worthlessness, feeling un-cool or un-valued. What's STRONGER than being able to cut people off and moving on with my life to skip off into greater happiness...PEACEFUL ACCEPTANCE!
YES! Allowing people to be just exactly as they are - disappointing, hurtful, flaky, dishonest, slimy, shady, douchy, mean, inconsiderate...yep...PEACEFUL ACCEPTANCE. This takes much greater strength and fuels your strength with positivity rather than negativity.
CLARIFIER - this does not mean you have to keep these people around you. You may still choose to never make a plan again with a flaky friend or to end a relationship with a person who doesn't show up in the exact way you need them to...but how you make peace with it internally is an intentional choice on how you'll fuel your strength.
I'm truly grateful for the things that fell apart this week because SO much good came from it! Do you ever pause to reflect on a 'bad thing' that happened or perhaps, you're wise enough to catch it happening in the moment and realize, oh wow! I really learned something from that; Or wow! This is a great opportunity to grow and learn!
Well this week the Universe blessed me with some MAJOR self-discovery that actually had me laughing at myself, which I totally needed! "Oh dang, I thought I was SO BAD ASS just cuttin' bait and ending communication with people who 'hurt' me or 'disappoint' me"...haha!” When you're constantly working on improving yourself, it can be exhausting, so sometimes humor can be just what we need to refresh ourselves.
I have a friend who modeled this for me yearssss ago, but I failed to learn the lesson at that time. That lady is featured in the photo above - Miss Amber Sharp ( www.ambersharpproductions.com ). I remember multiple occasions when someone would cancel a plan with us or discussions about how a boyfriend was disappointing me...she would always simply say, it's ok. Let them be how they are...She had such a cool way of peacefully accepting people just exactly as they were and not letting their actions affect her happiness.
In another instance, when I was insanely tired and couldn't make an event to see Gabby Bernstein in LA, my friend Jacqueline said to me, "Friend, you're not responsible for my happiness." That quote has stuck with me for years because I felt SO bad letting her down, but she peacefully accepted me just as I was in that moment and took responsibility off of me for that instance – talk about a feeling of instant relief. Again, if this happened on the regular, I would expect her to have given me the business :), but in that moment, she let me off of the hook and peacefully accepted me, rather than being upset or letting my backing out ruin her night.
I'm so thankful for the MANY, MANY examples of beautiful souls the Universe continues to bless me with...
Wishing you all an amazing week!
Life your Best Life, Be your Best Self, Awaken Within!